Wells Fargo, We Need to Talk

Well then get your sh*t together.

Get it all together and put it in a backpack, all your sh*t, so it’s together.

And if you gotta take it somewhere, take it somewhere, you know?  Take it to the sh*t store and sell it, or put it in a sh*t museum.  I don’t care what you do, you just gotta get it together.

Get your sh*t together.

Morty Smith, Rick and Morty

Valentine’s Day is a few days away, and I have to say, Wells Fargo, I’m not feeling the love.  I’m one of those people that checks all my various accounts several times a day, especially when I get bored or just to switch focus for a few minutes.  Why?  Because I can.  It’s not like the accounts are constantly changing throughout the day, but being able to look at my finances anytime, anywhere, in this day and age, is expected.  I don’t have any accounts that are strictly offline only, nor would I ever get one, if they still exist.

Wells Fargo, I haven’t even known you four years, but you’ve provided me with a couple of memorable firsts.  Mid-2018, I got your new Propel American Express credit card.  This was the first card I’d opened in 5+ years.  It’s a solid card.  The $300 sign up bonus was great.  The points/reward system is decent.  I really like that I can directly exchange rewards points for $20s at a branch ATM.  Physically, it’s a nice card.  It’s got some weight to it because of the metal inside.  But… it didn’t work all the time.  From day one, it was a toss-up as to whether the card would work.  Do you know how embarrassing it is to have an $8 transaction declined?  A $22 transaction?  Having to quickly and shamefully decide in your head whether to attempt to pay with another credit card or cash because your waiter is probably judging you?  I had never had a credit card declined before.

After talks with customer service, turns out there was an issue with the chip in the card.  Supposedly, some merchants’ payment systems weren’t up to date enough to process the chip transaction.  I was told that manually entering the card info would work at places the card was declined.  Makes sense, because I never had issues paying bills online with it.  But what would I look like actually telling someone to type the card info in if the card gets declined?  No, not happening.  Wells was nice enough to give me $50 in rewards points for the trouble, and eventually sent another card.  I was already scared to use the thing in public.  I can count the number of times I’ve used the card since last summer.  The damage was done.

Now this.  Last week was the first time in my adult life that I’ve been unable to check my accounts for an extended period of time.  Routine maintenance is one thing.  Usually it’s communicated in advance, but I didn’t get so much as a text message or email to let me know there was a problem.  I could let you get away with a few hours, but a one or two day outage is past the line.  I still don’t know the real story behind what happened. Smoke causing an outage, in my mind, is farfetched.  You’re a huge bank.  Where’s the redundancy?  If you only have one data center, that’s my cue to terminate our relationship ASAP.  Where’s the accountability?  I work in IT and am responsible for a system that requires 100% availability.  If it went down for a couple of hours, let alone a day or two, compliance would have a field day and fines would follow.  My badge might stop working shortly after.  So what’s really going on?

Our relationship started because you bought my mortgage (I think that’s how it works).  I didn’t originally choose you, but figured I’d give you a chance.  I had read about some bad things you’d done previously.  During my time with you, you didn’t clean up your act.  I think it’s time for me to go a little bit ahead of schedule.  I’m going to spend the rest of this month and the next throwing everything at my mortgage that I comfortably can, then balance transfer out the rest.  Once that’s gone, the checking and credit card can close too.  I’m really not understanding why a major, regulated bank can’t get itself together.  I won’t wait around to see what you’ll do next.

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